Haha, you'll have to forgive me for this, but your piece poses some interesting questions. Of course, the whole piece is built on them, and that's something you don't often see in literature. It works for you here: it's powerful, and it's one of the first parts of this poem that really took my attention. The coolest thing about that, however, is that once it had my attention, it left me with a greater understanding of your speaker. It left me with a burning curiosity and a need for the answers to the questions posed.

Unfortunately, all of that was dampened mildly by the distraction caused by your rhyming lines. When I read this, it felt a little like you were taking something - which was very cool - and trying too hard to make it into poetry. This ultimately felt unnecessary.

Overall, I thought you did a very nice job, though I'd suggest minding obvious rhyme in the future. Nice work